=( I want to graduate and get out of canada and go back to Asia.

i hate life here ...

Wow. I was insanely bored today after work. "_" have not felt this bored for so long.

Luckily,I had homework to remedy that.  I am taking Canadian military history for my summer course, as well as working at the same job i have maintained in Calgary for the past three years.  The school course is insanely boring... Canadian history is just so bland, young, and really not that eventful when you have studied chinese or japanese or european history.   I feel like a history major more than an east asian studies one... I have so many history courses under my belt.X_XOh, I can also minor in Chinese... as of... since... last year hahah. Those trips to taiwan really added a lot of course credit to my degree, thus I can now easily get the minor added on to it.  Will look nicer for a job later on, though im not entirely sure what I want to do.  Definately will not remain in Canada, will be heading back to Taiwan and Hong Kong area as soon as I graduate, no exceptions for anything except maybe medical and insurance issues.  pay off my student loans,then live for real. 

Work is wonderful, and I act like a child at work a lot of the time, sometimes even annoy the coworkers, but they seem to get by... today I accidently squished open some sort of squishy bug toy with green ooze in it and it squirted all over my managers hair, face, and shirt. She was not too happy, but ..it was really an accident! so they just gave me a hard time and we all got over it. Yeah, working in a costume store is wonderful, except sometimes I feel a little bad for customers when the bosses and stuff are around. We dont really have a return or exchange policy comapred to other stores.  Most wear is final sale within ten days, no store credit, and you cannot refund money.  The bosses dont want to do any paper work or anything like that, and I really dont blame them, it can be a hastle.  I just feel so bad and dont know what to say to customers when I give them our policy, other than ``thats just what my boss sets... I cant do anything else for you.`` 

Chinese studies still go well, slowly one improves.  I still use chinese a lot in Canada... and I really like the reactions from some people who live here.  I think it is hilarious when some of the girls get really scared or shy of me when I start speaking to them in their language, ahahaha.  Im a jerk!

still missing 西門町 and 楊明山， along with most of 臺北. I wont get over it til  I go back...just want to graduate here first.  Then goodbye Calgary!

晚安

So Michael Jackson died and past away.  I watched a few of his videos, and remembered what songs I liked about him.  But, then I realized... he is human.
And so were all the gals and guys in world war II. And so were all the gals and guys in  Vietnam wars, Korean War, Chinese TianAnMen square. I then started to watch Vietnam war footage.  You have these two powers fighting. I see these people get shot in the head, and their emotionless bodies slam back on to the earth, and there is nothing left of them. That`s it. Life just ends, no more.  Their kids go on to starve and their bones jet out all over their bodies and then are picked off later by mines or other things. Limbs and arms and stuff everywhere. bloody and hell like.   And I thought....``Why does Michael Jacksons death affect me so much, when everyday, in places like Iran (see todays neews) people are being shot, driven out of their homes agaisnt their will, starving and dying for their beleifs, and all I care about is this rich pop star who died like many of us rich people here do?``

The reason is: he is popular.  In our world, the money and the fame is what makes you known and have power.  But you know, what I realized, after watching MJ die, of his heart attack, just ending like that.  Everything he worked up for, all his money and his items, are all completely useless to him now, wherever he goes.  He will live on in our generation as a memory, and possibly the next, but eventually, if our world exists for two hundred more years, will become something of an ancient being.  He will be put into the history books as some musical infleunce that changed the lives of many... and the students will sit in their classes and groan over learning it.
everything we have in life... is worthless.  You can have all the money and power you want to and feel your comfort, but in the end when you die, it pretty much goes down the tube anyway.

I have found lately, the best thing that makes me happier is to just talk to people, go do anything with them, it doesnt matter, try to face my anxiety as much as possible, and study chinese.  hahaha.  I have these fancy ties and rings from brand names like roots or VW, or whatever, but really.. i dont need anymore.  Acutally, i dont even need more money, just enough to get by really.... because in the end, when you die.. you just end up like Michael Jackson. a memory where everyone speaks about you in the past tense and you will evnetually be forgotten and left in the dust as a nothing , and remembered by a select few as a name. 

這件事。。。真的讓我覺得好糊涂。  我們為什么把一個音樂偶像當作很重要？ 別人， 正常的人， 他們的生命沒有意思嗎？沒有Michaeljackson的那么重要嗎？ 你坐在公車的時候， 看到在旁邊的人， 你對他們的生命真無所謂嗎？ 如果他們好像需要安慰， 我們都就不在乎他們的感覺嗎？？ 好奇怪的世界。。。 但是， 我也這樣。。 我非常虛偽了， 因為我也這樣。  我們大家都想有的人好醜或沒有趣味， 所以我們不理他們， 不想要認識。  。  。  可是我們都是人。  亞洲人， 白人， 黑人， 什么的， 我們都要愛情， 都會生病， 都想要哭泣， 都需要喝水， 什么的什么的什么的。  我們都不喜歡別人因為我不了解別的文化。  沒有想了解， 只要幫助我們自己跟很熟的朋友們。  

我好虛偽， 我對陌生人不太友好， 我只冷落他們因為他們有時候煩我， 有時候以為他們真嘮叨。 呵呵呵呵。。 我們的都好。。。冷漠,
Humans So Cold